untitled.

i realise i've become really competitive here. it's abit disgusting sometimes how i obsess over the grades not only in this campus but in the main campus as well. and it's so weird because i was never like that back home. (maybe part of the reason is due to the fact that i have nothing else to do here -.-'') my parents are expecting less than what i expect of myself...which is really rare. i think it's the elitist in me coming out, which is supposed to be a good thing right?

i remember once when i was out with oyl and yeeling, and we were having this elitist conversation. oyl was talking about how we subconsciously categorize ourselves as supposedly being more intelligent than others, being rafflesian and all. it didnt help that throughout the whole of secondary school, we were practically reminded all the time about how we were expected to do fabulously because we were supposed to be the cream of the crop.

being surrounded by highly intelligent people didnt help much for my ego haha. i didn't even bother studying because everyone else was either smarter or way more hardworking than i was. plus the fact that 3/4 of my life was spent on dancing and cca(s) i was to tired to even concentrate in school. i sort of gave up the whole mugging thing because all i wanted to do was dance professionally, which obviously didnt work out in the end :(

coming back to the topic, i actually expect myself to do really well here. mainly because
1. i'm in a campus for the people with lousy grades
2. the workload here is nothing compared to singapore
3. im in a highly unpopular course. apparently business is the dumping ground in aussie. just like how fass is supposed to be the dumping ground in sg.
the saddest part of it all though, is how i feel like even if i do well here, its still nothing compared to a local degree. sigh. how did i manage to screw my life up and not realise it until now. but doing well here is something i want to do to prove myself. getting a good degree here is better than no degree at all.

this turned out to be such a long sad analysis of my school life. sigh sigh and double sigh.

qing - 5/02/2008 11:49:00 PM - 0 comments

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